1
00:00:02,700 --> 00:00:08,699
What will I do when you are far

2
00:00:08,700 --> 00:00:14,020
away and I am blue?

3
00:00:14,260 --> 00:00:19,919
What will I do when I'm alone

4
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:26,320
with only dreams of you?

5
00:00:58,060 --> 00:01:01,430
And you haven't worked since your
dismissal from the supermarket.

6
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:05,799
Well, I had a couple of days casual at
Buck House when one of Her Majesty's

7
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,299
ladies -in -waiting had the croup.

8
00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:11,119
This is a serious restart interview, Mrs
Theodopolopoulos. Not an audition for

9
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:12,560
Bob Says Opportunity Knocks.

10
00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:14,260
Sorry, Miss Pollock.

11
00:01:14,261 --> 00:01:19,719
There are several supermarket checkout
vacancies at the job centre.

12
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:21,119
Have you tried for any of them?

13
00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:24,760
No, I can't go back to that sort of
work. It's too aggravating.

14
00:01:25,580 --> 00:01:27,080
That's why I lost my job.

15
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:30,210
The stress of dealing with stroppy
members of the public.

16
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,820
One of whom you hit on the head with a
£3 Polish neckwurst.

17
00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:36,020
I was provoked.

18
00:01:36,620 --> 00:01:38,910
What sort of work do you think would
suit you?

19
00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:40,230
Oh, I don't know.

20
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:46,700
Film star, top model, pool's winner,
Harrison Ford's love toy.

21
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:51,530
Not the sort of vacancies a public
employment service tends to attract.

22
00:01:51,740 --> 00:01:52,980
No? Shame.

23
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:57,540
Oh, well, I just had to struggle, buy
all me pitiful doll money then.

24
00:01:58,020 --> 00:01:59,940
Whilst actively seeking employment?

25
00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:03,500
As active as Ben Johnson after an
injection.

26
00:02:06,940 --> 00:02:09,340
Come in.

27
00:02:11,140 --> 00:02:15,279
Ah, Mrs Stubbs, isn't it? Do sit down. I
don't want to bother you. I only called

28
00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:18,299
for a repeat prescription. The
receptionist said that I don't give

29
00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:19,920
prescriptions. Please sit down.

30
00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:27,260
I see you've been on antidepressants for
six months.

31
00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,390
That's right. Ever since your husband
was sent to prison.

32
00:02:30,391 --> 00:02:31,539
Who told you?

33
00:02:31,540 --> 00:02:32,459
Oh, it's in your notes.

34
00:02:32,460 --> 00:02:35,739
Oh. Well, can I have my Jimmy Eels then?
I've only got a week's supply left.

35
00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:38,899
I must tell you, Mrs. Stubbs, that I'm
not inclined to give you any more.

36
00:02:38,900 --> 00:02:39,939
What?

37
00:02:39,940 --> 00:02:40,990
What's going on?

38
00:02:40,991 --> 00:02:44,519
Oh, it's because I'm on the NHS, isn't
it? All right, I'll come to you private,

39
00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:46,080
how much? Mrs. Stubbs, um, Tracy.

40
00:02:46,081 --> 00:02:48,299
Look, I never had this bother with Dr.
Graham.

41
00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:50,839
I mean, you could ring him up any time
of the day or night and give him a

42
00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:52,079
prescription for anything.

43
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,520
What happened to him anyway?

44
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,360
Struck off over prescribing.

45
00:02:58,190 --> 00:03:01,140
Tracy, why do you suppose that you need
antidepressants?

46
00:03:01,350 --> 00:03:02,490
Because I'm depressed.

47
00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:04,390
Are you sure you're a doctor?

48
00:03:05,730 --> 00:03:07,650
But why do you think you're depressed?

49
00:03:07,890 --> 00:03:09,510
What is this, some new game show?

50
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:12,290
My Daryl's away at Nick, my son's away
at school.

51
00:03:12,291 --> 00:03:15,169
I haven't had any you -know -what for
months. And you think that

52
00:03:15,170 --> 00:03:16,749
will solve these problems, do you?

53
00:03:16,750 --> 00:03:18,069
Well, what do you suggest?

54
00:03:18,070 --> 00:03:19,309
Go out and get my leg over?

55
00:03:19,310 --> 00:03:20,630
Is that what you want to do?

56
00:03:21,370 --> 00:03:22,420
Cheek.

57
00:03:24,030 --> 00:03:25,080
Tracy...

58
00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:29,050
Depression is often a form of anger
turned in on oneself.

59
00:03:29,051 --> 00:03:34,089
You're probably mad as hell with your
husband for getting himself put away.

60
00:03:34,090 --> 00:03:37,949
And until you can learn to express your
rage... Look, I don't want all this

61
00:03:37,950 --> 00:03:39,000
problem -pied crap.

62
00:03:39,310 --> 00:03:40,570
Forget me tranks or not.

63
00:03:42,030 --> 00:03:47,390
Not. What I'm prescribing for you is
life. People, get out of the house.

64
00:03:47,750 --> 00:03:49,570
Indulge in some social intercourse.

65
00:03:49,970 --> 00:03:51,850
So you are telling me to cheat on you.

66
00:03:59,050 --> 00:04:04,029
Mrs. Stubbs refused to repeat
prescriptions, made good progress in

67
00:04:04,030 --> 00:04:05,080
express anger.

68
00:04:26,091 --> 00:04:33,139
Yeah, great. Oh, yeah. No, mate. Now,
the lorry stopped with the lights at red

69
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,939
light. All this gear fell off the back
light, so I was there with me motor.

70
00:04:35,940 --> 00:04:37,080
Found it in light, yeah.

71
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,140
Now, I've got none left, son. No.

72
00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:42,090
Here, listen, mate. Got to go. Yeah.
Yeah, ta -da. Ta -da.

73
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:44,370
What do you say?

74
00:04:44,620 --> 00:04:46,000
How's life in the fast lane?

75
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,560
Oh, the don't do the laugh a minute.

76
00:04:49,460 --> 00:04:52,220
Not every day you see a photocopier in
your front room.

77
00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:54,020
What's going on, Stan?

78
00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:56,860
Yes. Oh, great.

79
00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:59,930
Yes. Yeah, looks good in a T -shirt,
does she?

80
00:05:00,170 --> 00:05:03,180
Yeah, one or two points of outstanding
interest, daughter.

81
00:05:04,790 --> 00:05:06,470
No, no, mate, no.

82
00:05:06,471 --> 00:05:09,589
£200 a night, I take them, they'll bring
them back.

83
00:05:09,590 --> 00:05:11,510
All right, son, you're to die. Be lucky.

84
00:05:12,670 --> 00:05:16,590
You're bang out of all this, Dan. You've
turned my flat into a knocking shop,

85
00:05:16,591 --> 00:05:17,409
haven't you?

86
00:05:17,410 --> 00:05:18,590
On my boy's eyes.

87
00:05:18,790 --> 00:05:19,840
You're so legit.

88
00:05:19,910 --> 00:05:21,250
You ain't got a boy.

89
00:05:21,650 --> 00:05:22,700
Thanks.

90
00:05:23,340 --> 00:05:26,879
Are you trying to tell me that your
girls are only two tan a night in the

91
00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:27,930
vertical position?

92
00:05:28,140 --> 00:05:31,570
Yeah. Why don't you come in the bedroom?
I'll show you what my girls do.

93
00:05:32,060 --> 00:05:36,700
You dirty... I'm a happily separated
woman.

94
00:05:37,860 --> 00:05:38,910
I don't want it taped.

95
00:05:49,660 --> 00:05:50,710
Where's Mrs Fisher?

96
00:05:51,150 --> 00:05:54,250
Having another hot flush, is she? No, I
had to let her go.

97
00:05:54,251 --> 00:05:55,489
Oh, what?

98
00:05:55,490 --> 00:05:59,610
Someone paid a rent for her? No, Randy's
coming round later for a serious talk.

99
00:05:59,830 --> 00:06:01,750
He reckons we've really got to cut down.

100
00:06:02,410 --> 00:06:06,589
Anyway, it's stupid for two healthy 30
-year -olds to employ an unhealthy 60

101
00:06:06,590 --> 00:06:10,129
-year -old who needs massive hormone
replacement therapy before she can get a

102
00:06:10,130 --> 00:06:11,390
support odon of a morning.

103
00:06:12,650 --> 00:06:14,170
I'll pay for Mrs Fisher.

104
00:06:15,010 --> 00:06:16,060
There.

105
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:17,660
50 quid.

106
00:06:19,070 --> 00:06:20,270
Where's this come from?

107
00:06:20,710 --> 00:06:22,470
Stan. Who's Stan?

108
00:06:22,810 --> 00:06:25,400
The speed what's up letting me flat for
a warehouse.

109
00:06:26,130 --> 00:06:28,930
The Stones are at Wembley all next week,
right?

110
00:06:29,150 --> 00:06:32,990
And Stan reckons I can flog a couple of
hundred of these T -shirts a night.

111
00:06:33,290 --> 00:06:34,510
I'll get a quid each.

112
00:06:35,070 --> 00:06:38,890
Well, they're bound to do well because
the official tour T -shirt cost a

113
00:06:38,970 --> 00:06:41,730
He's only a fiver. What, you mean
they're pirates?

114
00:06:42,070 --> 00:06:45,310
Yep. Personally printed by Captain
Birdseye.

115
00:06:46,530 --> 00:06:49,070
So you're doing the Stones out of their
rightful.

116
00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:52,000
Oh, don't, Tracey. You'll make me cry.

117
00:06:53,860 --> 00:06:55,500
Poor old Bill Wyman.

118
00:06:55,780 --> 00:06:59,330
He'll really be struggling to raise his
wife's school fees, won't he?

119
00:07:03,900 --> 00:07:07,680
Oh, I'm sorry, Mangy. I should have
realised you don't eat bacon. Don't

120
00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:11,390
I always thought it was your four -by
-twos what didn't eat bacon.

121
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:14,960
Carry on, Mangy. Well, that's it,
really.

122
00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:17,380
You're f***ing Tracy. Sorry.

123
00:07:18,060 --> 00:07:19,110
You're joking.

124
00:07:19,111 --> 00:07:21,099
Accountants don't make jokes about
money.

125
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:22,519
But what about Daryl's business?

126
00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:24,000
It's useless without Daryl.

127
00:07:24,260 --> 00:07:26,120
Still, you can at least sell the house.

128
00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:29,130
I can't sell the house. It's everything
Daryl's worked for.

129
00:07:29,131 --> 00:07:32,759
And blagged for. Look, the housing
market's a bit flat at the moment, but

130
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:36,019
can still get out with enough money to
pay off your debts, buy a nice little

131
00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:37,820
semi somewhere and put a bit in a bank.

132
00:07:38,020 --> 00:07:39,340
I can't go back to a semi.

133
00:07:39,341 --> 00:07:40,619
Oh, no.

134
00:07:40,620 --> 00:07:43,750
Where would Imelda Marcos put her shoes
when she comes today?

135
00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:47,480
I'd just have to sell me Tom.

136
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,460
I thought you loved that cat.

137
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:56,080
I could take out a huge insurance policy
on Sharon's life and then murder her.

138
00:07:56,081 --> 00:07:59,099
There is one way of getting a decent
price for the business.

139
00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:03,459
How? Well, there's a couple of house
builders I'm tight with. Now, I could

140
00:08:03,460 --> 00:08:06,639
them to put in some big orders for
conservatories. Yeah, a couple of phone

141
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,859
and I could generate half a million's
worth of orders. Great. So what's all

142
00:08:09,860 --> 00:08:10,910
drama been about?

143
00:08:11,100 --> 00:08:12,720
They won't be real orders, Tracy.

144
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,070
What? Oh, you're so naive.

145
00:08:16,050 --> 00:08:18,430
You get your mate to place some orders,
right?

146
00:08:18,710 --> 00:08:23,209
Then you sell the firm to some mug, and
then all the orders mysteriously fall

147
00:08:23,210 --> 00:08:25,440
through. It's called massaging the
figures.

148
00:08:25,790 --> 00:08:28,450
Well, that doesn't strike me as 100 %
honest, Rangy.

149
00:08:28,850 --> 00:08:31,200
You've spotted the scheme, single fraud,
eh?

150
00:08:31,850 --> 00:08:32,900
It'd work, though.

151
00:08:32,990 --> 00:08:36,090
No. No way. I'm not entertaining.
Nothing that ain't kosher.

152
00:08:36,610 --> 00:08:37,660
Hooray!

153
00:08:38,030 --> 00:08:39,330
Better let her in, then.

154
00:08:43,150 --> 00:08:44,200
I thought so.

155
00:08:44,710 --> 00:08:45,760
Bacon sandwiches.

156
00:08:46,410 --> 00:08:47,730
Correct. Double your money.

157
00:08:47,731 --> 00:08:51,589
Oh, the smell's been driving me mad. It
wadded over your head in my kitchen

158
00:08:51,590 --> 00:08:54,969
window. Well, I'm sorry, Dorian, but we
can't be held responsible for the smell

159
00:08:54,970 --> 00:08:55,849
of our food.

160
00:08:55,850 --> 00:08:58,200
Who's complaining? I adore the scent of
bacon.

161
00:08:58,530 --> 00:09:00,630
I even switched my ventaxia to suck.

162
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:04,930
There's no answer for that.

163
00:09:05,221 --> 00:09:07,289
May I?

164
00:09:07,290 --> 00:09:10,770
Yes. I thought you lot weren't meant to
eat bacon, though. I know.

165
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,880
That's what makes it so fantastic.

166
00:09:13,540 --> 00:09:14,590
Forbidden fruit.

167
00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:19,930
It's like having an orgasm with your
clothes on.

168
00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:22,620
I know.

169
00:09:24,620 --> 00:09:26,540
I'm still waiting for an introduction.

170
00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:28,980
I'm Ranjit Gupta, Mrs Stubbs'
accountant.

171
00:09:29,420 --> 00:09:32,040
Dorian Green, the mad Jewish woman from
next door.

172
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,260
They've probably told you all about me.
No. Why not?

173
00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:39,600
I have to go. Tracey, I'll speak to you
later. Do you have a... Business card,

174
00:09:39,740 --> 00:09:41,120
Ranjeet? Yes, of course.

175
00:09:43,140 --> 00:09:44,190
Dorian?

176
00:09:48,700 --> 00:09:50,860
What do you want his business card for?

177
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:52,740
Your husband's an accountant.

178
00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:56,470
Well, you never know when you might want
a second opinion or something.

179
00:09:57,300 --> 00:09:59,680
He's gorgeous. Where did you find him?

180
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,210
Oh, he delivered a goat vindaloo one
night. Just sort of stayed.

181
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:05,050
Is he married?

182
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,480
He's got four wives.

183
00:10:07,150 --> 00:10:09,200
Don't think he's happy with none of
them.

184
00:10:10,050 --> 00:10:11,470
Is anyone going to join me?

185
00:10:12,010 --> 00:10:16,289
Bit early for that, innit? It helps me
eat out me pills. Oh, Tracy, you're not

186
00:10:16,290 --> 00:10:17,340
still taking those.

187
00:10:17,341 --> 00:10:21,269
Dorian, if you were to tell your doctor
that you were feeling very down and

188
00:10:21,270 --> 00:10:24,760
depressed, like life wasn't worth
living, what would he prescribe?

189
00:10:24,850 --> 00:10:25,900
A cruise?

190
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:27,410
Or Tom Cruise?

191
00:10:28,990 --> 00:10:32,150
Look, Tracy, you want to get out more,
live a little.

192
00:10:32,470 --> 00:10:33,520
Live a lot.

193
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:35,170
Oh, this is a conspiracy, innit?

194
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:36,720
I don't believe you.

195
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:40,440
Three hours without your loft
installation and you're turning

196
00:10:40,441 --> 00:10:42,179
I've got a wonderful idea.

197
00:10:42,180 --> 00:10:43,860
There's a ladies' night next week.

198
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,060
What's that? Posh name for an end party?

199
00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:48,860
No way am I going to another one of
those.

200
00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:50,920
She dragged me to one last Christmas.

201
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:55,479
Seventy -five checkout girls getting
legless on Pernod and Black while the

202
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:58,550
stripper waves his meat and two veg six
inches from your face.

203
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,020
Oh, it was brilliant.

204
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:07,539
No, Tracy, a ladies' night is when the
master of the Masonic Lodge, next year

205
00:11:07,540 --> 00:11:12,339
it's Marcus, invites all his, I hesitate
to use the word, members and their

206
00:11:12,340 --> 00:11:13,860
wives to a dinner dance.

207
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,980
It's a fun evening, what do you say?

208
00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:18,400
Where does Luke fit into this picture?

209
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:23,219
Oh, you're very astute, Tracy, I admit
it. I want you to take Luke as your

210
00:11:23,220 --> 00:11:25,599
dinner partner. I'll pay for the double
ticket naturally.

211
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:26,800
And what's in it for you?

212
00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:29,380
I just want the opportunity to dance
with him.

213
00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:31,980
Go on, it'll do you good, Tracy.

214
00:11:31,981 --> 00:11:35,259
I'm going to... to be up Wembley every
night next week.

215
00:11:35,260 --> 00:11:37,839
Don't want to sit in here, do you,
staring at four walls?

216
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:40,250
I don't even know, Luke. I've never even
seen him.

217
00:11:40,340 --> 00:11:43,120
Here. You carry a picture of him with
you.

218
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:45,910
It was taken while he was fitting my new
kitchen.

219
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:49,890
Marcus thinks I carry it around because
I'm so proud of my ceramic hob.

220
00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:56,060
Well, judging by the tightness of his
jeans, Luke's fairly proud of his and

221
00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:16,720
Oh, fast, Trace. That's how Marilyn
Monroe got started.

222
00:12:18,380 --> 00:12:21,390
You don't want to help John singing
goodbye Trace and stuff.

223
00:12:24,020 --> 00:12:25,070
Right.

224
00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:26,410
Here goes.

225
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:28,590
It's just you against the world now,
girl.

226
00:12:40,799 --> 00:12:42,969
Rangy, what do you want? I'm just going
out.

227
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:44,039
I know.

228
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:45,090
I'm your date.

229
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:46,730
What?

230
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,590
Looks like Labour's rising in the
opinion polls.

231
00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:06,110
Was it something I said?

232
00:13:06,111 --> 00:13:07,629
No, it's something you didn't say.

233
00:13:07,630 --> 00:13:11,169
You forgot to tell me about the late
substitution you made to tonight's team.

234
00:13:11,170 --> 00:13:12,250
Oh, you mean Randy?

235
00:13:12,450 --> 00:13:14,250
I thought you'd be pleased.

236
00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:15,800
You know him.

237
00:13:15,801 --> 00:13:18,869
He's a very presentable dinner partner,
a lovely dancer.

238
00:13:18,870 --> 00:13:20,010
Oh, and how do you know?

239
00:13:20,250 --> 00:13:23,200
Been practising the horizontal conga
with him, have you?

240
00:13:23,781 --> 00:13:30,609
the king of the kitchen fitters, then?
I've treated Luke to a medium -density

241
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:33,080
fibreboard appreciation course in
Birkenhead.

242
00:13:33,150 --> 00:13:34,950
Oh, you must think it's his birthday.

243
00:13:35,330 --> 00:13:37,390
He'd only have been out of his depth
here.

244
00:13:38,190 --> 00:13:39,690
Brangit's the man of the world.

245
00:13:39,691 --> 00:13:43,129
Luke's just a callow youth. He doesn't
even have his own dinner jacket.

246
00:13:43,130 --> 00:13:45,849
Well, you ain't only cheating on your
husband, you're cheating on your lover,

247
00:13:45,850 --> 00:13:49,290
too. It must be nice to see the world in
such simple terms, Tracy.

248
00:13:49,291 --> 00:13:52,569
Oh, what do you mean, knowing the
difference between right and wrong?

249
00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:55,689
Well, I'm surprised at Ray and Jeep. I
mean, he's supposed to be engaged, isn't

250
00:13:55,690 --> 00:13:56,740
he? Yes, Tracy.

251
00:13:57,050 --> 00:13:59,460
But I don't think his fiancée will be
too upset.

252
00:13:59,610 --> 00:14:03,100
I think she's only nine years old and
lives with her granny in Karachi.

253
00:14:40,430 --> 00:14:42,420
I'd like to thank him for his kind
words.

254
00:14:42,470 --> 00:14:43,520
It's a great honour.

255
00:14:43,790 --> 00:14:47,849
It's the amount of a joke I once heard.
Marcus, I'm sorry, Dolly. I feel very

256
00:14:47,850 --> 00:14:50,440
queasy all of a sudden. Me too. I hate
making speeches.

257
00:14:50,650 --> 00:14:52,270
No, I mean I feel physically sick.

258
00:14:52,271 --> 00:14:55,809
Must have been the sweet bread. Buffalo
never agrees with me. Dolly, please.

259
00:14:55,810 --> 00:14:57,190
I'm trying to learn my joke.

260
00:14:57,191 --> 00:14:59,869
I've got to go. Take me home, Marcus,
please.

261
00:14:59,870 --> 00:15:00,749
Are you mad?

262
00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:02,989
I'm incoming master of the lodge. I
can't leave.

263
00:15:02,990 --> 00:15:04,210
I feel like death.

264
00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:06,230
What comes first, the lodge or me?

265
00:15:06,570 --> 00:15:09,820
Normally I'd say you, but tonight is the
biggest night of my life.

266
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,580
Bigger than our honeymoon night.

267
00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:14,480
Dorian, I don't know. I'm not master of
the lodge yet.

268
00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:16,620
Look, hold on a minute, Green.

269
00:15:17,140 --> 00:15:20,879
If Mr. Green could take Tracy later...
Oh, would you? That's so very kind of

270
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,819
you. No, you don't want to put yourself
out, Marcus. I'll go with Ranger. He's

271
00:15:23,820 --> 00:15:24,819
in Dorian now.

272
00:15:24,820 --> 00:15:27,470
What do you mean, put himself out? You
live next door.

273
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:29,000
It's no trouble, is it, Dolly?

274
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:30,420
Stay, Tracy.

275
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:31,970
Enjoy yourself.

276
00:15:32,060 --> 00:15:34,420
No, I'd better come. I did first aid in
the guide.

277
00:15:34,421 --> 00:15:38,519
There's no need for you to spoil your
evening, but suppose you come over all

278
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:39,570
faint in the car.

279
00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:41,419
Who's going to loosen your clothes?

280
00:15:41,420 --> 00:15:43,879
Ranjit can't take his hands off the
steering wheel.

281
00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:44,930
It's OK.

282
00:15:45,180 --> 00:15:46,440
I've got power steering.

283
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:54,140
I hope she's all right.

284
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,830
Oh, she'll be fine after a little lie
down in the back of Ranjit's car.

285
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:03,340
One more song to play.

286
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,860
And then I saw you out the corner.

287
00:16:13,060 --> 00:16:17,460
Oh, you really think this mate of yours
could be interested in the business?

288
00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:21,680
Well, no promises, but it would fit
nicely into his portfolio.

289
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:23,820
He's got a big one, has he?

290
00:16:24,660 --> 00:16:25,710
Portfolio, I mean.

291
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,840
You've got a very nice laugh, Tracy.

292
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,320
I didn't really want to come tonight.

293
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:36,060
Have I already said that?

294
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,980
Well, you did mention it once or twice.

295
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:40,440
Or thrice.

296
00:16:40,441 --> 00:16:46,639
Everyone's been telling me to get out of
myself since, you know, Daryl. I know.

297
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:48,000
It must be hard for you.

298
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:50,510
Well, only if you don't drink the prison
tea.

299
00:16:52,820 --> 00:16:55,180
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm never like this
normally.

300
00:16:56,020 --> 00:16:57,160
Sharon's the crude one.

301
00:16:57,380 --> 00:16:58,920
Yes, I know.

302
00:16:59,660 --> 00:17:02,080
I've seen her at the bus stop, picking
her nose.

303
00:17:03,850 --> 00:17:07,640
Dorian told me she picked her nose out
of a catalogue at the plastic surgeon.

304
00:17:10,450 --> 00:17:12,050
Oh, I'm terrible tonight.

305
00:17:12,349 --> 00:17:13,549
But I'm enjoying myself.

306
00:17:13,990 --> 00:17:15,040
I am.

307
00:17:15,050 --> 00:17:16,190
I'm enjoying myself.

308
00:17:17,410 --> 00:17:19,530
My Daryl locked up.

309
00:17:20,250 --> 00:17:21,650
And I'm enjoying myself.

310
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:42,579
Together. And the winner, with a total
sale of 997 T -shirts, is the

311
00:17:42,580 --> 00:17:44,300
enterprising Mrs. T.

312
00:17:44,301 --> 00:17:48,459
Sharon. Thank you, thank you, thank you
very much. Couldn't have done it without

313
00:17:48,460 --> 00:17:49,259
you, Stan.

314
00:17:49,260 --> 00:17:50,310
Here you are, Shaz.

315
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:51,580
Let's call it a grand.

316
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:53,330
Brilliant.

317
00:17:55,420 --> 00:17:56,740
Here you are, Susie Wong.

318
00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:58,140
Four bottles of pills.

319
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:00,880
Pills? You want chemist?

320
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:02,340
No, no, no.

321
00:18:03,719 --> 00:18:07,559
Lager. God blimey, she must have come on
the same boat from Hong Kong as my T

322
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:08,610
-shirts.

323
00:18:09,020 --> 00:18:11,670
She speaks better English than what you
do, Chinese.

324
00:18:11,980 --> 00:18:14,080
Oh. Do you like the stones?

325
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:15,690
Stones? Stones.

326
00:18:15,860 --> 00:18:16,910
Oh, stones.

327
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:18,940
Ginger wine, whiskey mac.

328
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,500
Oh, my God. I like, no, the rolling
stones.

329
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:23,740
You know, brown sugar, satisfaction.

330
00:18:23,741 --> 00:18:27,919
Listen, listen, listen. Now, look. Get
four menu Ds with extra crab claws, some

331
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:30,690
of that crispy duck stuff and some of
that plum sauce. Oi.

332
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:32,600
Where do you think she's going? Oi.

333
00:18:32,780 --> 00:18:36,659
Here, Tosh. Here, Mr. Wood. I was just
giving your compatriot our order. Why

334
00:18:36,660 --> 00:18:37,710
won't she serve me?

335
00:18:37,740 --> 00:18:40,900
Because she was a customer, sir, and she
didn't pay her bill.

336
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:43,330
Hmm.

337
00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:48,460
Your husband's done some very nice work.

338
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:49,699
I know.

339
00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:52,979
If only the silly sod had stuck to
sticking up conservatories instead of

340
00:18:52,980 --> 00:18:54,030
security vans.

341
00:18:55,340 --> 00:18:58,710
Other halves often do things we don't
always admire or understand.

342
00:19:03,700 --> 00:19:04,900
I really like you, Tracy.

343
00:19:06,260 --> 00:19:07,310
What?

344
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,140
Oh, you're very nice, too.

345
00:19:11,700 --> 00:19:13,080
Get off! Get off!

346
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:14,860
Get off! Get off!

347
00:19:15,340 --> 00:19:16,900
What do you think you're doing?

348
00:19:16,911 --> 00:19:18,859
I'm sorry.

349
00:19:18,860 --> 00:19:19,839
I'm sorry.

350
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,200
I don't know what came over me. A vodka
and tonic.

351
00:19:22,201 --> 00:19:26,099
Oh, God. Oh, God. What have I done? What
have I done?

352
00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:27,199
You know what you've done.

353
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,340
I think you'd better go.

354
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:31,260
Tracy, I'm so sorry. Please, let me
explain.

355
00:19:31,580 --> 00:19:32,630
What's to explain?

356
00:19:32,631 --> 00:19:36,159
You're just another dirty old man who
thinks any woman on her own is fair game

357
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:37,210
for a bit of a feel.

358
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:40,839
Just because I danced with you a few
times and laughed at your pathetic

359
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:42,260
I'm so sorry, what can I say?

360
00:19:42,261 --> 00:19:43,599
Try goodnight.

361
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:44,650
No, Tracy, please.

362
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:47,120
Look, I love Dorian.

363
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:51,360
You've got a funny way of showing it.
It's just that she's not interested in,

364
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,880
well, you know... In you?

365
00:19:54,380 --> 00:19:59,220
No, in a proper marriage, you know, in a
sexual relationship.

366
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:02,520
We are talking about the same door.

367
00:20:03,940 --> 00:20:04,990
What do you mean?

368
00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:06,560
Well, nothing.

369
00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:11,420
Just she's always struck me as so, well,
you know, vivacious, fun -loving,

370
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:13,620
outgoing. She just puts that on.

371
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:17,879
Really, the poor woman's a maelstrom of
confusion and anguish. I try to

372
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:19,900
understand. Try not to be too demanding.

373
00:20:20,380 --> 00:20:21,430
But it's hard.

374
00:20:21,780 --> 00:20:23,620
I even suggested a sex therapist.

375
00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:25,170
Do you go?

376
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,460
No. She prefers to go on her own.

377
00:20:29,399 --> 00:20:30,740
Four evenings a week.

378
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:35,410
She says he's very good, this doctor,
but I can't see any improvement.

379
00:20:35,411 --> 00:20:39,059
You won't tell her, will you? I beg of
you, it'll be the end of everything.

380
00:20:39,060 --> 00:20:41,160
Marcus Dorian's one of my best friends.

381
00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:43,990
How can I not tell her her husband tried
to jump me?

382
00:20:44,420 --> 00:20:46,080
Tracey, I'd do anything.

383
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:48,890
Really?

384
00:20:49,460 --> 00:20:50,510
Anything?

385
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:54,580
Well, how about introducing me to this
mate of yours who might buy the

386
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,020
That was just a ruse to get invited in.

387
00:20:57,630 --> 00:20:58,770
There's no such client.

388
00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:03,090
Well, you better find one. And double
quick, Marcus.

389
00:21:08,730 --> 00:21:10,670
Morning. Have a good night.

390
00:21:11,030 --> 00:21:12,350
Depends what you call good.

391
00:21:12,390 --> 00:21:14,450
You? Yeah, not bad.

392
00:21:15,050 --> 00:21:17,670
Yeah. You know I don't eat biscuits.

393
00:21:18,050 --> 00:21:19,100
Go on.

394
00:21:20,110 --> 00:21:21,160
What's this?

395
00:21:22,390 --> 00:21:23,830
500 quid.

396
00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:25,490
Half my T -shirt money.

397
00:21:25,870 --> 00:21:26,930
A small...

398
00:21:28,650 --> 00:21:31,230
Large contribution to the running of
this hotel.

399
00:21:31,630 --> 00:21:33,090
Oh, Shell, you're great.

400
00:21:33,610 --> 00:21:34,660
I know.

401
00:21:35,450 --> 00:21:37,790
On a day in Edmonton later, me signing
on day.

402
00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:40,190
Oh, you ain't still collecting the doll.

403
00:21:40,630 --> 00:21:41,680
Course I am.

404
00:21:41,770 --> 00:21:44,300
But you've just made a falter and that's
cheating.

405
00:21:44,430 --> 00:21:46,210
Don't start all that again.

406
00:21:48,010 --> 00:21:53,809
Look, Tracey, when you sign on an
indignity you've never had to undergo,

407
00:21:53,810 --> 00:21:57,000
have to claim that you haven't worked
for the previous six days.

408
00:21:59,020 --> 00:22:00,400
for the previous six nights.

409
00:22:00,980 --> 00:22:02,500
That's splitting hairs.

410
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:04,600
Oh, I've got goody -two -shoes.

411
00:22:04,601 --> 00:22:08,519
Didn't mind going along with Dorian's
little scheme last night, did you?

412
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:12,340
No, but I wish I hadn't. Dorian feigned
food poison and pissed off with Angie.

413
00:22:12,700 --> 00:22:14,880
Angie? Leaving me pissed off with
Marcus.

414
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:16,930
Why, what did he do?

415
00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:18,840
Only tried to jump me, that's all.

416
00:22:18,841 --> 00:22:22,499
One minute he's spinning me this mood
that he might have a client to buy the

417
00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:25,699
business. Next minute he's trying to
lick me tonsils with a tongue like an

418
00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:26,750
ironing board.

419
00:22:26,780 --> 00:22:27,830
LAUGHTER

420
00:22:30,030 --> 00:22:31,130
So what did you do?

421
00:22:31,490 --> 00:22:32,540
I didn't do nothing.

422
00:22:32,730 --> 00:22:33,780
I ain't you.

423
00:22:35,570 --> 00:22:38,520
So what happened once you repulsed his
beastly advances?

424
00:22:38,890 --> 00:22:39,940
He was distraught.

425
00:22:40,130 --> 00:22:44,309
Begged me not to tell Dorian. Which you
wouldn't. Course not. But he weren't to

426
00:22:44,310 --> 00:22:47,829
know that, so I stiffed him. I told him
that unless he really found someone to

427
00:22:47,830 --> 00:22:50,190
buy the business... Oh, so you
blackmailed him?

428
00:22:50,410 --> 00:22:54,430
No. I wouldn't really tell Dorian. She
probably wouldn't give a monkey's

429
00:22:54,890 --> 00:22:56,410
It's still blackmail?

430
00:22:56,930 --> 00:22:58,790
I don't believe you, Trace.

431
00:22:59,530 --> 00:23:02,360
Mind you, you always was a right little
hustler. Who, me?

432
00:23:02,610 --> 00:23:03,660
It's you.

433
00:23:03,790 --> 00:23:07,969
I remember the way you used your body to
get Daryl. What do you mean? I wouldn't

434
00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:09,710
let him touch me till we got engaged.

435
00:23:09,970 --> 00:23:11,020
Exactly.

436
00:23:11,090 --> 00:23:12,890
That's the way to land a rich husband.

437
00:23:13,370 --> 00:23:16,980
Daryl didn't have nothing when we
started going out. He was on his uppers.

438
00:23:17,090 --> 00:23:21,249
Tracy, everyone was on his uppers. He
was the amphetamine king of Stoke

439
00:23:21,250 --> 00:23:22,300
Newington.

440
00:23:22,970 --> 00:23:26,870
Why don't you just shut up about Daryl?
I'm sick of hearing about him.

441
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:30,420
going on about him? I know.

442
00:23:30,620 --> 00:23:31,670
I know I am.

443
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:32,730
Stupid soddies.

444
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:36,779
I'm in this mess because of him. Because
he always wanted more and more and

445
00:23:36,780 --> 00:23:38,280
convinced me I wanted more too.

446
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:42,520
I was happy when we was up his mum's. I
loved that little house in Leytonstone.

447
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:47,159
The semi and whips cross was great but
it weren't good enough for him. Oh no.

448
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,450
had to live in the same turning as Bobby
Moore.

449
00:23:49,580 --> 00:23:50,820
Nothing less would do.

450
00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:54,730
I went along with it. I thought it was
all great. The business was booming.

451
00:23:54,740 --> 00:23:56,970
Everyone and his dog wanted a
conservatory.

452
00:23:57,600 --> 00:23:59,180
See, calm down. Have a pill.

453
00:23:59,540 --> 00:24:00,900
I haven't got any pills.

454
00:24:00,901 --> 00:24:05,179
And if it weren't bad enough they're all
getting banged up, I have to get landed

455
00:24:05,180 --> 00:24:08,359
with a sister who's trying to fiddle her
way into Holloway and a neighbour who

456
00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:09,800
wants me to wreck their decoy.

457
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:11,930
Sick and tired of everyone leaning on
me.

458
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,600
Does that mean I don't get me lift?

459
00:24:18,020 --> 00:24:19,780
No. Of course I'll take you.

460
00:24:19,781 --> 00:24:23,819
That doctor said I needed to get all the
anger out of me system. I think she was

461
00:24:23,820 --> 00:24:24,870
right.

462
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:33,060
Not very nice here, is it?

463
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:35,010
Not very.

464
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:39,260
In fact, Joan Collins has threatened not
to come back till they redecorate.

465
00:24:41,260 --> 00:24:43,280
Everyone looks so downtrodden.

466
00:24:44,180 --> 00:24:45,640
Because they are, Tracy.

467
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:50,999
Welcome to the backside of Thatcher's
economic miracle. Oh, don't start

468
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:52,800
all Ken Livingstone with me, Sharon.

469
00:24:53,220 --> 00:24:57,199
You don't have to sign on. You've got
somewhere nice to live. You can earn

470
00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:00,519
money. Look, if I don't have... and I
was going to get this sort of ear

471
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:01,660
I'd have come on the bus.

472
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:07,679
Why should I feel guilty about saving a
bit of doll money than what you do about

473
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:09,420
ripping markers off for 50 grand?

474
00:25:09,421 --> 00:25:12,659
Because what I've done, I've done for
us, and what you're doing, you're doing

475
00:25:12,660 --> 00:25:13,740
because it's too easy.

476
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:18,220
I can add your card, please.

477
00:25:18,860 --> 00:25:20,520
What? Oh, right, yeah.

478
00:25:33,610 --> 00:25:35,930
Hello, Mrs Theodopoulopoulos. Remember
me?

479
00:25:36,710 --> 00:25:39,850
I wore the T -shirt because I know we
all look the same to you.

480
00:25:40,470 --> 00:25:42,390
I don't know what you're talking about.

481
00:25:42,950 --> 00:25:45,410
Cathy Lee, Department of Social
Security.

482
00:25:46,270 --> 00:25:47,320
Fraud officer.

483
00:25:47,910 --> 00:25:50,050
Oh, the Chinese detective.

484
00:25:51,810 --> 00:25:54,340
Have you just signed the unemployment
register?

485
00:25:55,050 --> 00:25:56,310
Yeah. Oh, no.

486
00:25:56,770 --> 00:25:59,480
Then I shall have to ask you to come
with me to my office.

487
00:25:59,950 --> 00:26:01,330
And suppose I don't want to?

488
00:26:01,510 --> 00:26:03,070
Oh, ain't you in enough bother?

489
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:05,160
Then we'll do the show right here.

490
00:26:05,161 --> 00:26:09,219
Sian Theodopolopoulos, I have reason to
believe you have just made a false

491
00:26:09,220 --> 00:26:13,079
declaration of unemployment in order to
claim benefit to which you are not

492
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:14,130
entitled.

493
00:26:14,360 --> 00:26:16,420
Not bad for a chink.

494
00:26:17,020 --> 00:26:18,700
I knew this would happen.

495
00:26:19,060 --> 00:26:20,280
Well, you do to her.

496
00:26:20,281 --> 00:26:24,299
She'll be brought before the magistrate,
probably get a hefty fine.

497
00:26:24,300 --> 00:26:28,659
Though some persistent social security
fraudsters go to jail. Go straight to

498
00:26:28,660 --> 00:26:30,830
jail. Do not pass go and do not collect
£200.

499
00:26:30,831 --> 00:26:35,439
You're really pleased with yourself,
aren't you?

500
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:36,740
I am, as it happens.

501
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:40,820
I enjoy catching blatant abusers of
taxpayers' money.

502
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:43,960
Well, I've got two pieces of bad news
for you.

503
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,280
The first is, I never signed on.

504
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:48,700
I signed off.

505
00:26:48,900 --> 00:26:49,950
You what?

506
00:26:50,180 --> 00:26:53,280
Oh, it's worth losing that money just to
stop you nagging me.

507
00:26:54,340 --> 00:26:59,160
And the second, now that you've told me
your name, Miss Lee...

508
00:26:59,639 --> 00:27:02,349
I'll pass it on to the manager of the
Golden Chopstick.

509
00:27:02,350 --> 00:27:05,469
He's after you for doing a runner the
other night.

510
00:27:05,470 --> 00:27:10,020
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